so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
