You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Randomize
