Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Randomize
