why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
