I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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