Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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