She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
