Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Randomize
