You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
