Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I wish i was in the wii world.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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