So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
