I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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