Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
