dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
