I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
