There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Randomize
