Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
