Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
