well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
