he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
