I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
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