WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
