my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Randomize
