she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
