Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
we're making bets on your personal life
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize