You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
