My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
