It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize
