allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
