he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
