question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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