This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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