TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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