there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
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Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
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I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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