I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
