fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
