So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
