i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
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i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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