Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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