i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Im part way to drunk.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
