He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
being pregnant is like rehab
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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