I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
