At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
