morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
