she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
