Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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