also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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