i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
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