My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
