You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize