I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
