After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
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