watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
