thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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