Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
