I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
