I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
