Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
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He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
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I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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