Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
