I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
He uses pillows to masturbate.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
They left me at home... I'm a liability
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
