Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
please come you make the beer taste better
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My breasts were aching with rage.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
