I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
