Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My feet surprised me
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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