So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
