Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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