My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
