I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Just puked most of my soul out..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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