We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
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