whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
