Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
