Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
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