just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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