I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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