Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
