go do what you do best...puke behind churches
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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