Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
