you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
