Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
