I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
