Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
