she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
