It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
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I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
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We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
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