im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
