Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Still dying that you shit outside
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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