You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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