if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
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